When Did “NO” Mean “‘We’re Not Good Enough”?
I remember growing up as a child when the word “NO” didn’t faze me. I would ask my parents for something and no matter how many times they said “NO” I would continue until I heard the three letter word that would fulfill my dreams, “YES”! At the time I didn’t count or know how many no’s it took to get a yes, but as an parent I can tell you my son would be relentless when he wanted something and I can remember saying NO ninety times and finally giving in to the resounding “YES” he was waiting for.
Something happened between childhood and adulthood. Somewhere and somehow we were given a message that “NO” was the end, we failed, our self-worth even got attached to it in some cases. We weren’t good enough. They aren’t interested in working with me. I did something wrong. I was rejected. It stops us in our tracks and makes us go no further. What happened?
The meaning of “NO” changed. It started to mean something new. You got conditioned perhaps by your parents or guardians to stop asking when they said NO so you did. The challenge is the rewards come only after consistent measures and follow through and if you stop too soon you will miss it. Have you heard the expression, the fortune is in the follow up? Well it’s true. “No” can mean: NO not now, NO I need more information or just NO. But how would you know if you stopped asking?
The resilience you had as a child was a strong asset and is necessary today to succeed. You see it is not about you. The “NO” is the gateway to the promise land. It is the necessary path you must take to get your “YES”.
I work with a lot of business people and it still amazes me how a two letter “NO” word can get in their way. When that happens know there was an anchor or association created with that word that when it is heard today as an adult it brings up all these old feelings of insecurity and doubt. Instead we need to breakthrough those beliefs and change the meaning.
My career over 30 years ago was in corporate sales and I was fortunate to have been sent to learn from many masters but on specifically stands out here, Tom Hopkins. I remember him telling me, it takes 29 “NO’s” to get a “YES”. It was the best advice I had ever been given to this day. Every day I would start my day with a sheet with 30 lines on it and every time someone said “NO” I would get excited and thank them, knowing I was that much closer to a “YES”. Over my sales career all those NO’s amounted to over $80 million in YES’s.
Amazing what happens when we change our association to something. What others were afraid to embrace I welcomed. Learning the direction of success was imperative. Originally I thought I either failed or succeeded. Imagine my surprise when I realized that the only true way to achieve real success was walking through failure to the other side.
What meaning are you giving to the word NO that needs to change so you can get happy about getting? Remember the more NO’s you get the more YES’s you will get too.
Go for the No!
You can find more helpful tips on loving yourself, letting go and improving your self-esteem by calling 1-844-FINEtoFAB or Pick up a copy of my book, Fine to Fab here!