Never good enough

September 8 2018

Low Self-Esteem And Depression: How Healing One Heals The Other

adminmalick Low self esteem, Never good enough dealing with low self esteem and depression 0

Low self-esteem and depression often go hand-in-hand. Low self-esteem can leave you vulnerable to depression, and depression can wreak havoc with your self-esteem.

Depression takes the color out of life and leaves a trail of grays in its wake. It can distort thinking, leading to decreased self-confidence, insecurity and self-loathing. Thoughts that would otherwise be considered ‘neutral’ can become negatively magnified and leave a low-hanging, ominous cloud hanging over the depressed person’s entire life.

The way in which low self-esteem and depression interrelate can seem like the proverbial “chicken and egg.” It is not, however a matter of “cause and effect,” but of relationship. And in this regard, low self-esteem is used as a possible symptom in the diagnosis of depression.

Research has shown a strong relationship between low self-esteem and depression, but not vice versa. In other words, low self-esteem is predictive of depression, but depression, while capable of impacting self-esteem, is not predictive of it.

Julia Friederike Sowislo and Ulrich Orth of the Department of Psychology at the University of Basel in Switzerland conducted a meta-analysis of studies on depression and self-esteem. Their “vulnerability model” predicted that a lower self-esteem increases the chance of seeing events in one’s life as reinforcing a negative sense of self.

In non-clinical terms, the person suffering from low self-esteem takes life events personally and negatively, and this dark perspective of life and self is a set-up for depression. Instead of trying to disprove a negative self-concept, the person actually seeks negative feedback to corroborate it. In this way, low self-esteem is a risk factor for depression.

What is the takeaway from this? How are low self-esteem and depression related, and how can healing one heal the other?

Remember that self-esteem is the measure of how you feel about yourself. It’s not a statement of confidence in what you can do, but a belief system of your very worth. Do you like yourself? Love yourself? Believe you have value and purpose in life?

The importance of cultivating and nurturing a healthy self-esteem from the very beginning of life cannot be overstated. And because of the demonstrated influence of self-esteem on the risk of depression, boosting self-esteem is the best way to protect mood and manage or overcome depression.

Here are some tips for increasing self-esteem:

Deal with dysfunctional thinking. Negative thinking spirals into decreased self-esteem, and depression corrodes judgment and thinking styles. Recognize when you are “playing negative tapes in your head,” and replace them with factual, meaningful self-affirmations. Know that your unconscious mind doesn’t know the difference from fact or fiction, its job is to process it faster and easier. It believes what you tell it to be true so you need to change the story to change the outcome.
Journal your thoughts and feelings to bring your negative thoughts down to size and help maintain perspective. Keep a track of your emotions. There are over 40,000 words that describe your emotions and most people use only a dozen, of which 80% are negative.
Use visual cues like positive notes and inspirations to help record new “tapes” in your mind. Put pictures up on your mirror, computer, change your screen savers on your phone and computer.
Surround yourself with people who recognize and celebrate your strengths. Find reasons to celebrate even the smallest things until it becomes a habit and something you do over and over again.
Discover and pursue your passions. What did you used to love but stopped? What have you always wanted to do but have never done? What can you do now that would bring you more happiness?
Embrace failure as part of success. It is part of your life education but doesn’t define you. Success is paved by a road of failures first so embrace then as a learning experience for the greatness to come.

Low self-esteem and depression may be difficult to distinguish when your whole world is seen through gray lenses. But it only makes sense that the colors with which you paint your sense of self will ultimately be the colors with which you paint your view of the world.

If you are struggling with self-esteem and/or depression, you do not have to navigate that darkness alone. There are compassionate care and guidance available to help you.

You can reach us here, we are here to help you.

May 18 2018

5 Myths About Happiness

adminmalick Learning to let go, Never good enough 0

There are a lot of people today who are experiencing a happy life due to several reasons. Being happy and at peace is what most people dream of. However, there are certain myths about happiness that somehow affect the level of happiness that individuals feel. Being happy usually involves positive attitude and courage to face any challenges that life may bring. Some of the myths about happiness are:

Happiness is based on time

There is no specific time when you can feel happy. Actually, you can be happy when you are with your friends, family and other people who usually make you happy. You can also feel happiness anytime and anywhere. Choosing to be happy can make you feel better, even more beautiful, and eliminate stress that was caused by work or circumstances at any given moment.

Happiness is an event based

This means that you can feel happiness in several events such as marriage, vacations, jobs, and a lot more. It is true that events can give a high level of happiness to a lot of people, but you can also feel happy for no apparent reason. Just choose to BE happy! You do not need to wait for an event to be happy.

Happiness is usually associated to things

There are a lot of people who believe to feel happy they need something. It can be food, alcohol, spending, and relationships or sometimes may be something that you have sentimental value or good memories with that gives you a feeling of happiness. We may participate in an act of doing, going or listening to something because you associate happiness with that thing, place or person. Learning to BE happy with yourself and love yourself for who you are is already enough and makes all the other things that much better.

Happiness comes when I look better, I’ll feel better.

Happiness is an inside job. This means that happiness is not about how you look but how you feel about yourself. This affects what you do on a daily basis to take care of you. You will not make good decisions or treat yourself well if you don’t like you. You have to learn to love yourself where you are right now and not wait to look better to feel better. When you change your identity from “I’m not enough” to “I’m FAB” you will make better choices and feel better about you. It’s an inside job.

Happiness isn’t for me because bad things happened

It is natural to encounter bad thing in our lives. Bad things do happen to good people but as Virgina Satir, psychotherapist says, “The event is never that which determines your fate, it is the coping of the event.” You get to decide if you want to repeat bad events or you want to create new more fulfilling ones. The best thing that you can do move forward and find something good out of it. I love asking myself the question, “What’s good about this?” I always find the silver lining. Today many of my bad experiences have lead me here to help so many others find their true happiness and move on to live an authentic life that is happy, healthy & free!

There are also some people who can’t manage their stress and depression. That is why they get in the situation or stage of emotional eating. Emotional eating is leaning toward foods when they are in bad or negative emotion. There are times that employees are doing this due to the pressure and stress in their work.

Aside from these, some individuals also become compulsive eaters. Compulsive overeating is usually called food addiction. Actually, a depressed person usually does this just to forget the bad things that are happening in their lives. The symptoms of these are

Due to overeating, individuals feel guilt.
They eat more often in comparing to the normal time of eating.
They have a rapid increase of weight.
Have mood swings or depressions.

These can be treated with the help of friends and family who have positive outlook in life. Learn to be grateful for everything in your and practice an attitude of gratitude. Make it a habit of being happy today.

For more information or help in being happy contact info@localhost www.finetofab.com

May 10 2018

The Reason Why You’re Right When You Think You’ll Never Be Good Enough

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As painful as it is, you’re 100% correct when you think you’ll never be good enough, but you’re also 100% wrong when you think it’s because you’re in some way defective or less than someone (or even everyone) else.

The reason you’re both right and in error can be summarized in one word – comparison.

When you compare yourself to others, how many times do you compare favorably? Probably not anywhere near as many as you find yourself lacking.

When you decide you’re not as attractive as someone else, you’re right because it’s what you’ve decided to be true.

When you decide you’re not as accomplished as someone else, you’re right because it’s what you’ve decided to be true.

When you decide you’re not as thin, or rich, or lovable, or kind, or whatever it is you’re measuring against someone else, you’re right because it’s what you’ve decided to be true.

But in each of these cases you’re also absolutely wrong. And it’s this error that needs correction – immediately.

It’s this error that’s causing you the pain, that is so incredibly hurtful, and preventing you from living the life you can and frankly deserve to be living.

The error you’re making is that you’re judging yourself against some external standard instead of a loving internal one.

Looking only to external standards for your self-worth is a no-win situation. It’s your pure internal standards that matter not the ones you think you should have. Manufactured standards deny your inner knowing of who you are and what’s important to and about you.

It’s only when you judge yourself against yourself that you can correct the error that’s at the root of your thought that you’re never good enough.

You might also believe that you’re not good enough because of what others have done or said to you.

The same error is at play here too. You’re using their behavior (an external factor) to color your perception of yourself.

And, those people are making the same error because they’re judging you against their prejudices which are blinding them to who you truly are.

The truth is you are good enough.

Let that sink in past all the judgment, past all the hurtful words you’ve said or had said to you, past all the expectations. Let it sink in to your inner-most being, the small precious part of you that is so in need and deserving of your love and attention.

You were born good enough. Nothing and no one can change that.

It’s a falsehood to believe anything different. If you’re consistently comparing yourself to some outside standard instead of basking in the perfection of who you are, then you’re going to be miserable. You’re going to believe that you’ll never be good enough.

If, however, you can start shifting your perspective and start celebrating instead of judging yourself, you’ll discover the greatest truth of all – you are good enough, always have been and will be.

If you’d like support in overcoming the pain of low self-esteem and feeling like you are never good enough, reach out to me now. I’m here to help.

April 1 2018

What To Do If You Feel You Are Never Good Enough To Be Loved

adminmalick Never good enough never good enough to be loved 0

It’s sad, but true. Many people go through life feeling that they are never good enough to be loved.

If you feel like this, you know how easy it is to blame your narcissistic parents for instilling feelings of inadequacy. However, other childhood relationships can also be at fault.

Maybe you tried to live up to your popular, talented or intelligent sibling and consistently fell short.

Or perhaps you had a close relative, teacher or friend who contributed to your feelings of being unlovable.

Regardless of who taught you that you are never good enough to be loved, should you be responsible for bearing their burdens? Of course not!

Although, it’s also sadly true that the feelings they conferred on you can follow you throughout your life unless you do the work to break free.

We all want to believe that we came from loving and nurturing families. Yet, if you struggle with feeling that you are unworthy of love, the truth is that your family wasn’t as loving and nurturing as you needed.

The good thing is that as a mature person, you know that regardless of who’s supposedly at fault, you’re the only one who can change the feeling that you are never good enough to be loved.

It takes a lot of work to be able to look back at your childhood and see the dysfunctionality that you’ve spent your life trying to hide.

Is taking revenge on your presumed antagonists the answer? Hardly! On the other hand, it’s just as unfair to make others bear the responsibility for your life’s happiness.

You know that the traumatic events in your earlier life can translate into a lack of self-love. You could also chalk this up as the main cause for your lack of self-confidence. It’s the lack of self-love and self-confidence that leave you feeling as if you are unworthy of love.

Everyone needs and deserves to feel loved, valued and respected. Loving yourself and protecting your self-esteem are two of the most important qualities you need to build, to finally accept that you truly are good enough to be loved.

Of course, remaining as you are might seem easier than committing to learning about yourself to finally become happy. But that’s not what you want, right?

Here’s an interesting exercise to help you begin building self-love and self-confidence.

Think about someone you love.

Now think about their values. Their values dictate in large part how they show up in the world and why you find them lovable.

The interesting thing is that since you love this person, you have many of the same values. And the wonderful thing this means is that you are lovable too.

Now, make a list of the things that you love about you. Your healthy family members and friends can help by listing 5 things that they also love about you.

Keep telling yourself that instead of never being good enough to be loved, you’re the love of your life! Without becoming self-absorbed, remind yourself of all your lovable qualities multiple times a day.

Remember everything your friends and family love about you. If they love you that much, you must be good enough!

Overcoming the belief that you are unworthy of love takes work. It’s OK if this exercise feels difficult for you to complete it will get easier. The goal is that you complete it. Because when you do, you’ll be taking the first step to shedding the burden of the hurtful relationships of your childhood.

And once you free yourself from the hurt in your past you’ll be on your way to living a life filled with happiness and genuine love.

If you don’t feel able to do the work involved in learning that you are good enough to be loved on your own, please reach out to me. I’m here to serve you.

February 5 2018

What to Do If You Feel You Are Never Good Enough To Be Loved

adminmalick Never good enough, Self Love feeling never good enough 0