It’s sad, but true. Many people go through life feeling that they are never good enough to be loved.
If you feel like this, you know how easy it is to blame your narcissistic parents for instilling feelings of inadequacy. However, other childhood relationships can also be at fault.
Maybe you tried to live up to your popular, talented or intelligent sibling and consistently fell short.
Or perhaps you had a close relative, teacher or friend who contributed to your feelings of being unlovable.
Regardless of who taught you that you are never good enough to be loved, should you be responsible for bearing their burdens? Of course not!
Although, it’s also sadly true that the feelings they conferred on you can follow you throughout your life unless you do the work to break free.
We all want to believe that we came from loving and nurturing families. Yet, if you struggle with feeling that you are unworthy of love, the truth is that your family wasn’t as loving and nurturing as you needed.
The good thing is that as a mature person, you know that regardless of who’s supposedly at fault, you’re the only one who can change the feeling that you are never good enough to be loved.
It takes a lot of work to be able to look back at your childhood and see the dysfunctionality that you’ve spent your life trying to hide.
Is taking revenge on your presumed antagonists the answer? Hardly! On the other hand, it’s just as unfair to make others bear the responsibility for your life’s happiness.
You know that the traumatic events in your earlier life can translate into a lack of self-love. You could also chalk this up as the main cause for your lack of self-confidence. It’s the lack of self-love and self-confidence that leave you feeling as if you are unworthy of love.
Everyone needs and deserves to feel loved, valued and respected. Loving yourself and protecting your self-esteem are two of the most important qualities you need to build, to finally accept that you truly are good enough to be loved.
Of course, remaining as you are might seem easier than committing to learning about yourself to finally become happy. But that’s not what you want, right?
Here’s an interesting exercise to help you begin building self-love and self-confidence.
Think about someone you love.
Now think about their values. Their values dictate in large part how they show up in the world and why you find them lovable.
The interesting thing is that since you love this person, you have many of the same values. And the wonderful thing this means is that you are lovable too.
Now, make a list of the things that you love about you. Your healthy family members and friends can help by listing 5 things that they also love about you.
Keep telling yourself that instead of never being good enough to be loved, you’re the love of your life! Without becoming self-absorbed, remind yourself of all your lovable qualities multiple times a day.
Remember everything your friends and family love about you. If they love you that much, you must be good enough!
Overcoming the belief that you are unworthy of love takes work. It’s OK if this exercise feels difficult for you to complete it will get easier. The goal is that you complete it. Because when you do, you’ll be taking the first step to shedding the burden of the hurtful relationships of your childhood.
And once you free yourself from the hurt in your past you’ll be on your way to living a life filled with happiness and genuine love.
If you don’t feel able to do the work involved in learning that you are good enough to be loved on your own, please reach out to me. I’m here to serve you.