Do you live in a world that no matter what you do, say or how you behave it feels like it is never good enough? If you do know that you are not alone, it is epidemic today. When things are never good enough, this can mean one of two things; you are setting unrealistic expectations for yourself which can lead to conflict or you believe there are others judging you and you can’t measure up. Either way the notion of it never being good enough can lead to anxiety, depression or low self-esteem.
Know that if you’re experiencing anxiety, depression or low self-esteem, it is the most common challenge in the U.S. affecting 40 million adults over the age of 18 or 18% of the population, according to National Institute of Mental Health. The good news is there are ways to cope with these feelings of never being good enough to start feeling better now.
First, it takes a lot of courage to acknowledge that you are in a situation where you feel that things are never good enough. That alone deserves a pat on the back. Secondly, it doesn’t help to be hard on yourself or blame yourself in these situations. Instead of feeling sorry or hopeless it’s better to face the “never good enough” feeling head on.
Here are the 5 ways to cope when you feel things are never good enough:
- Resilience – One way to cope with situations like these is to practice and master the art of resilience. Resilience is not about hardness but rather softness. It is neither to deny nor resist the discomfort of never good enough feelings, but rather of being at peace with them. Softness in the face of challenges is going with the flow of the things that are impossible to penetrate, so instead of forcing through the wall itself you are going either under, over or flowing around the sides. This means to continuously look for ways to get to the goal or purpose without taking it personally.
- Avoid over analyzing – Over analyzing what went wrong will not change the outcome, instead do and act on what must be done in that particular situation. Sometimes when we focus too much on what’s wrong we lose sight of the real purpose such as the lessons brought about by the situation and the actions that must be taken to keep it from becoming a bigger problem. Trust in the higher purposes of the situation and take action accordingly.
- Simplify the facts of the matter – By stripping the situation or circumstances of all the complications, you are left with the true nature of the problem, the root cause of feeling things are never good enough. When you can simplify, this means you truly understand the “real challenge” you are dealing with and can come up with the solution or let the problem take its course.
- Keep your confidence at its highest level – Your confidence is your greatest tool in any endeavor. If you ask an athlete what keeps him or her going, he/she’d say, “Because deep down, no matter how physically draining or challenging to the point of hurting the activity is, I know I can do it and beat my own record.” Work on your inner confidence so that no matter how rough or tough or imperfect the situation you are dealing with, deep down you know you can surpass it and meet your goals.
- Owning your mistake – When things go south and you have a hand in it, own up to the mistake. By owning up to when you feel things are never good enough, you are acknowledging the cause and have the freedom and control on the course of action that must be taken. Putting your ego in check and operating at the highest level of humility enables you to plan the course of action that will bring you to a better situation and even success. You fail and fall and this puts you in a better position to stand up and rise to the occasion.
When you feel things are never good enough, you’ll be surprised at what you’ll learn from these situations. You just have to develop your inner strength and let the winner in you shine through with softness, grace and an open mind. As you go through the feelings of “never good enough” stuff in life, you will learn how to turn off that voice that makes you second guess yourself and replace it with the one that shouts from the roof top “You’re F.A.B.” (Fabulous, Awesome, Beautiful) and “I am Good Enough”.
If you need to get a handle on your fear of being not good enough, please reach out. We can help you can get on with your life.